To Submit or Not to Submit: Is there really a question? {Part One}

Yes.

For many years, I would emphatically have answered yes, there is a question as to whether or not to submit. 

And I chose not to submit.

I don’t feel free to go into detail, but I can say I never learned submission. I never saw it exampled. I was never taught how a marriage works or what the roles of the husband and wife are. I went to Sunday school and youth group for years, and I can’t remember a single lesson learned. {Well, except for that time when a boy lifted his arm to answer a question and the tag of his new shirt hung down. I learned to make sure you always cut the price tags off your clothes before you wear them. Really spiritual, I know.}

As a result, I almost killed my marriage in the first few years with my dictatorial control.

We lived about an hour apart when we married. Even though he had a much better job as a computer programmer than I had as a glorified secretary, I absolutely refused to leave my job and move closer to his job. Thus, he moved, creating an unbearable commute for himself, and eventually left that job for one that was much less satisfying to him. He does enjoy his current position, but it was only after difficult years, difficult jobs, and a downsizing that he came to be a college professor.

I also decided I wanted to go to law school. I applied and was denied with my first attempt. {I know it’s off-topic, but I am still astounded that they don’t think English degrees qualify a student for law school. Law school is, in sum, reading and writing. That’s all I did in my undergraduate studies. Go figure….} My husband wanted to enjoy some traveling time before we started our family and I stayed home with children. Stay home? Was he crazy? I was accepted the second time and spent the next four years toiling at a day job and going to school in the evenings, summers too. Yet, here I am, living the dream I never knew I had – loving, nurturing, raising, homeschooling six children. I wouldn’t change my time at home for any size corner office. {Maybe for a judicial robe, but I get to wear that at home...with the children.}

My husband has admitted that it was a trying time for him.

So what happened? What turned it around?

Faith.

God.

His Word.

Halfway through law school, I finally began to listen to the whisper of God.

It’s not all about you.

At that time, we also attended FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember conference, not because we thought we needed it but because it sounded fun and it was coming to our city.

Then, for three days, I sat, overwhelmed. The entire conference boggled my mind. Was this really what marriage was supposed to be like? The speakers made it sound terrific, but I was having a hard time wrapping my mind about the idea of being a team. Of working together. Of letting him decide.

I went home feeling shell-shocked. I prayed, I cried, I examined my Bible and went over and over and over the notes I had taken at the conference. It just couldn’t be right. I couldn’t let him think he had even an equal say, let alone allow a 51/49 division.

But I couldn’t deny the truth of Scripture.

“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” {1 Corinthians 11:3}

“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.” {1 Peter 3:1-6}

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” {Ephesians 5:22-24}

It was a revelation to me – just as my husband submits to God, I am supposed to submit to my husband.

In the end, it’s about love. When we really all-out, no-hesitations love God, we want to do His will. We delight in doing His will. Why should it be any different with our husbands? When we unwaveringly and whole-heartedly love our husbands, we want to please them. We delight in doing whatever they ask of us.

I apologize for the length of this post. It has become much longer than I intended, probably because submission has been such a struggle for me. I am still working it out. Please click through to Part Two for more of the story and Twelve Personal Truths for what I’ve learned about how to submit.

Thanks for visiting!

~Meghan

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Linking with Your Thriving Family, Finding Beauty, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Women Living Well, Lessons from Ivy, Thankful Homemaker, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Time-Warp-Wife